BITCHING ABOUT THE SIZE OF THINGS

Alright scourge, so I’ve been away for a while…the better part of a year in fact. I haven’t had the urge to rant and rave about all that much simply because life has just become so bearable and liveable. One would never think it reading through all the drivel I’ve dravel’d around. The more things change the more they stay the same right? Not in my case, I think that things somehow seem to shrink and grow, yet never implode or explode; as if life has finally hit that joyous equilibrium that we all strive for…be it marriage, companionship, children, a pet snake or a great CD collection, it’s all the same, and it’s all about walking the line with which you’re comfortable. Whether you like it or not the change no matter what it is, can be weathered; and with just about the same amount of water you can cause it shrink or grow.

On J: Well sometime ago she decided to make a man of me, so I proposed, and we got married July 24, 2004. Great day that was…brill’ I’d say, and likely the greater cause of my edge being somewhat tempered. Clearly my love has grown, not just for her, but for all of humanity, because for some twisted reason having taken this first step, and now well into the second stride there’s almost a hope and a yearing for everything to be well and good with everyone and everything each and every time I open my eyes…so clearly my compassion has grown. Grown so much have I in the areas of compassion, love, and wanting to take on the new life symbolism that comes with marriage, J and I now have a cute bundle of joy to be referred to as The Moo, hereafter.

On The Moo: She requires a lot of food and water; and even more sleep. She grows each day discovering that there is something beyond the end of her nose, and her innocence I watch slip away each time she sees another milimetre past the end of that tip. Her awareness grows, and I am so suddenly hit with the edges of our environment. Each car that passes, each sound that occurs during the day, each movment that goes by us…these small things would invariably have gone unnoticed, and uncared for in my past life…and now they are the largest, biggest events to be scrutinized with the largest of magnifying glasses for the smallest of errors. There can no longer be flaws in my judgement. An innocent life is in my hands to guide. While I know and understand deep down in my soul that gradually The Moo’s innocence will be eroded away by the daily grind of life; I do want the erosion to occur in small controlled and manageable amounts.

The defeats in my life are that much greater these days simply because they sting much more, and as a result my tolerence for foolishness and the games of an uncared for and untended garden have diminished. No general empathy for the state of people in the things/situations they’ve created. An unparalleled shrinkage in the desire to see what’s around the next corner… I am in a better place, living in a better time, with better people by my side than I ever have had before in my life. My exposure to greater love and greater generosity is sometimes overwhelming. Each day I try to not let it get to my head, by accepting that this is just another day. That way everything is just that much more manageable; and everything and it’s affects can be kept just that much smaller (because it’s influence on my daily life is quite large).

Without my noticing, my life seems to have turned into the just add water kind-a-thing and its magically grown like sea monkeys I suppose, only sea monkeys are nothing but pure unadulterated shite that gets sold to you in the back of comic books, and really deranged fetish mags…

Oh come on now–don’t feign ignorance–you know the ads I’m talking about, they’re the ones with really small type blotched together because some dingus can’t get himself a computer and uses only a typewritier…no? They’re the ones next to the penis enlarger…now you get it.

Right, so things are really quite different now and as size goes everything’s changed: My space in the bedroom closet’s gotten smaller because my wife has taken it over with her overwhelming wave of clothes. Now this isn’t new this has been an ongoing thing since we first moved in together, and it’s not like she’s been spending like crazy on clothes. She’s just got so many of them outright.

So my clothes end up in the office, which is looking more like a stockroom these days. The number of functional computer systems in the office has shrunk to 1, and the number of computers in the house has grown by a factor of 10…something’s wrong with this picture. I have a digital camera now and I take more pictures grasping at tiny moments to preserve those small fragments of time for a later year when my memory has diminished.

I use up more space on the hard drive and as a result I need more space for computer games, applications, and software that I just never owned before. Memory prices are down, so I must get more. My trousers are smaller, but my waistline is bigger. I get more clothes to replace the ones that don’t fit, and my closet space gets smaller.

My general understanding is that the old addage “The more things change, the more they stay the same”, is really no longer pertinent. My travels however, have led me to this one truth:

The more things shrink, the more they grow; and vice versa.

But through all this shrinkage and growth, there is thankuflly one thing that remains and hopefully will continue to remain, a rigid constant in matters of size; to be a shining beacon of light for all to follow; and a tasty delight for many to experience: my penis.

(ok, so not everyone will go down the penis path, but it’s a nice ending to the piece).

[PLEASURE]

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